←Book 6: The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

Odette's party is trapped on the collapsing tenth floor, desperately trying to unlock a stairwell using two summoned deities: AI-controlled Adad and a sponsor-driven Dodola, while Huanxin Jinx repeatedly escalates her bribery demands from 10% to 50% of Odette's bonus. Exhausted by a lifetime of impossible dungeon choices, Odette refuses the deal and instead orders Chaco to worship Dodola and throw the Dart of Ophiotaurus at Uzzi, trapping him in a Circle of Containment where a level-20 lightning spell instantly kills Dodola and shatters the stairwell puzzle. The party flees through the portal, leaving Odette alone but finally free of her indentureship. Mordecai, devastated by Uzzi's death and Odette's betrayal, vows to hunt her down — setting up a major conflict for the upcoming book. Report issue

Carl and Donut arrive on Floor 8, "The Ghosts of Earth," in a replica of Havana, where Donut picks the "Master Telephone Psychic" class after dropping from the #1 leaderboard spot. Cascadia announces the floor's two-phase structure: Phase One traps crawlers for 14 days as intangible ghosts in a ~99km Earth replica, where they must capture folklore monsters using T'Ghee flags to build squads of five. Phase Two will send full squads to assault an exit key location, with all Phase One loot turning to dust on collapse. Carl deduces that Donut's choice of Cuba accidentally avoided Beatrice's trap in the Bahamas, though he expects to be routed there for Phase Two. Report issue

The group reunites in the saferoom, where Mordecai has become a Level 50 Hills Cyclops NPC and Samantha returns with mysterious new abilities. The team spends the chapter opening achievement boxes from the Butcher's Masquerade: Donut gains a +10 Dexterity cosmic buff, the Tome of Legionnaires of the Damned (which reanimates unequipped armor as undead spirits), and the Enchanted Nipple Ring of the Superior Fire Demon's Hand Maiden (granting fire immunity and the berserking spell "Bitch, What?"). Mordecai warns about the tactical implications of their new abilities before Carl prepares to open his own boxes. Report issue

Carl opens his quest reward boxes, receiving the Scavenger's Daughter back patch — a divine item that doubles his jacket's bonuses, grants +25 Strength and Dexterity, and unlocks the Soul Essence mechanic powering devastating melee attacks via Soul Reaper. Other notable loot includes a religious nipple ring that grants cleric-hunting abilities and the Black Nimbus spell, plus a stick-and-poke tattoo kit. Chat updates reveal Katia's team grieving Firas, Florin progressing in Ecuador, and Tran receiving a floating wheelchair after losing his legs. Report issue

Carl's squad ventures into Old Havana, navigating dream-like illusions of tourists and vehicles that cause chain-reaction crashes when touched. They fight a Level 55 Taino folklore creature called The Experience and loot a rare T'Ghee Card from it. Three new crawlers approach as the chapter ends, including a catgirl whose presence immediately antagonizes Donut. Report issue

Carl and Donut encounter three new crawlers — Paz Lo, Anton Lopez, and Sister Ines Quiteria — in a Havana park, with tensions running high due to Donut's breed-specific hatred of Havana Brown catgirls and her past on-air threat to kill them. Anton is revealed as a skilled crossbowman and former player killer who murdered his own party members to protect Ines, while Paz possesses a dangerous directional self-destruct spell. Carl mediates the conflict and learns Ines's feline race was system-assigned rather than chosen. The group agrees to cooperate and plans to hunt monk seals together as their first squad members. Report issue

The group travels to a Havana beach to hunt monk seals, with Sister Ines revealed as a Poet Laureate bard healer, Paz as a Santero necromancer tank, and Anton as a Fugitive rogue. They accept a dungeon quest called "The Chowder War" involving a turf battle between seals and land crabs. The squad executes a coordinated attack on Yago, a Level 70 Monk Seal Sentry, eventually flagging him with a T'Ghee Card after a chaotic battle involving kung fu-style acrobatics. A second seal named Geraldo approaches, suggesting the process may repeat. Report issue

While moving through Havana toward a saferoom, Carl's squad fights a swarm of duendes — small gnome-like monsters that strip clothes off ghosts. During the battle, Carl's essence bar fills completely and he unlocks The Daughter's Kiss, a massively powerful melee attack that scales in power with each use. Carl is also scheduled for a media appearance on Shadow Boxer, an interview program sponsored by the Open Intellect Pacifist Network. The groups reunite at the Cuba Libro saferoom, where Donut unsuccessfully tries to recruit Ines's team into Carl's guild. Report issue

After a recap broadcast of various crawlers' exploits, Cascadia announces a new card-based deck combat system with totem summons, hand management, and restrictions on squad leaders' magic during battles. Carl's squad discusses strategy while Mordecai predicts intelligent deck-carrying mobs and a key-holding boss in Phase Two. Their planning is interrupted by a frantic message from Samantha, who has been swallowed alive by a powerful spider demi-god mage on the southern coast. Carl identifies the creature from a Bahamas lore book, and Donut dubs it the Bedlam Bride. Report issue

Carl and Donut enter the Mock Battle Arena to test deck mechanics, with Donut customizing the environment into a cheering colosseum. Their first fight ends instantly when Mongo dissolves a Teletubby-like monster, so Carl has Donut isolate the arena to test summoning without interference. They summon Geraldo the Monk Seal with kung fu sound effects, discover uncommon totems can only hold two utility cards, and face a Squonk — a legendary creature so miserable it simply dissolves without fighting. Report issue

The party arrives at Havana's Colón Cemetery, a fog-shrouded dungeon zone centered around a Club Vanquisher spire, where they trigger a compulsory quest called Pueblo de los Olvidados — tasked with eliminating the source of corruption turning native Ghommid inhabitants into ravenous undead. Paz's Santero class draws a massive horde of spirit creatures, and the party fights through fog and Spirit Box traps using holy grenades and Donut's fire spells. They escape into a gothic crypt saferoom called The Yellow Zone, only for the area's level 130 boss — a barefoot figure in a straw headdress surrounded by black tendrils — to casually step inside after them. Report issue

Asojano, a Level 130 Orisha and Lord of Smallpox, has breached the saferoom and requests Paz repair his shrine so he can leave, triggering the Pueblo de los Olvidados quest — though Sister Ines suffers a severe religious panic at the mention of false gods. The team opens fan boxes between events, with Donut receiving "The Bard's Golden Throat," an enchanted microphone that auto-tunes and amplifies her voice. Katia's squad visits to trade utility cards including Flee, Stout, and Greased Lightning. Donut vehemently opposes adding Imani and Tserendolgor's team to their guild. Report issue

Carl and Donut film for Shadow Boxer, an interview program hosted by Rosetta Thagra, with a towering caprid called Harbinger serving as an intimidating liaison from the Open Intellect Pacifist Network. Carl deduces that Rosetta is actually the author of the ninth edition of the Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook and a former crawler. While Donut rambles on air about classic TV shows, Quasar secretly briefs Carl on Faction Wars developments. Rosetta shifts from nervous host to intense interrogator, displaying old photos of Carl — including one with baby Prepotente — before pivoting to a heavy question about his deceased mother. Report issue

Rosetta aggressively probes Carl's traumatic childhood on air: his mother's suicide after poisoning his father, his father's disappearance, and his time at the Anacortes Boys' Ranch. Rosetta attempts to pass a coded message via seemingly innocuous questions about a stew recipe, but Harbinger terminates the interview and bans her from future appearances. Carl pieces together Rosetta's warning, connecting Crawler Milk's cookbook notes to a crucial clue about the toraline yam, confirming former cookbook owners are working with his sponsors. The chapter closes with Zev revealing Odette is producing specials from Earth orbit, and notes from Milk and Rosetta affirming their shared mission to expose the truth. Report issue

Carl coordinates a nighttime breakout from the saferoom into the Havana graveyard, using a custom mass-stun bomb, Troll Smoke Mantles, and seeker missiles to clear a path to the temple while Asojano guards the approach. During the sprint, Carl flags a fast Level 66 donkey-headed serpent with a T'Ghee Card before the squad scrambles into La Iglesia de los Olvidados. Inside the ruined octagonal temple, Asojano begins a ritual around his shattered shrine, but a quest notification demands they repair Ogun's shrine instead — or face divine punishment. Mysterious music begins to play as they prepare for the confrontation. Report issue

A Celestial Thorn Room boss battle erupts as seven Orisha shrines are presented with distinct rewards and consequences. Katia secretly instructs Carl to repair a hidden shrine for Yemaya, claiming it's the only way to save her and Donut. Carl directs Bomo to assemble Yemaya's shrine while Donut executes a Phantasm exploit using Legionnaires of the Damned to reanimate Bomo's scattered armor as a weaponized tornado. Carl kills Asojano with a flag to win the quest but contracts SlugPox in the process, and Yemaya re-ascends — granting boons and Club Vanquisher access — but Ogun is ominously announced to have appeared in the realm. Report issue

Ogun, a Level 250 God of Blacksmithery, is temporarily summoned to punish Paz and Anton for freeing his sister Yemaya, and he casually crushes Anton's skull despite Carl's attempts to intervene with Black Nimbus. In the aftermath, a dying Paz warns Carl that Sister Ines possesses a racial skill that compulsively charms allies into protecting her while erasing memories of her past crimes — including poisoning every nun in her convent, earning her the title El Segador de La Habana. Carl decides to keep Ines but plans to separate from her group and warn others. As Paz peacefully dies, Ines uses a mysterious flag to turn him into a green card, and Yemaya and Eileithyia simultaneously appear in the realm. Report issue

Yemaya and Eileithyia manifest and grant party buffs: Yemaya teleports Bomo to the ninth floor and gives Donut the mythical Thief card, which lets the holder steal cards from other players. Eileithyia secretly contacts Carl with an off-the-record deal — accept Odette as Faction Wars Adjutant so Eileithyia can manipulate voting on the ninth floor, in exchange for Carl's survival until floor twelve and a future alliance with Katia. Carl is instructed to keep the pact secret and finally get his SlugPox cured. The chapter closes with Sister Ines looting Anton's corpse and storming out as Carl prepares to navigate these dangerous political undercurrents. Report issue

Carl is led by Pater Coal — secretly the AI using a clerical disguise to avoid divine surveillance — to the Emberus High Temple inside Club Vanquisher, where he receives crucial clues for the Geyrun murder quest and pays 10,000 gold for his SlugPox cure, plus the Martyr's Path floor boon. Back in the saferoom, Carl finds Katia now worshipping Eileithyia and Bautista visibly anxious about an oak bracelet Donut looted from his family member. Carl carefully avoids mentioning the bracelet's origin to prevent a confrontation. Katia reassures Donut that they will fight to ensure their story does not end badly. Report issue

Katia reveals she possesses a crown from Eva and shows the group an Engaged Lock Box of the Night Wyrm containing the Orchid of Eileithyia's Grace — which grants one of three boons including transfer to the 12th floor or pregnancy and export to the surface. To unlock it, Katia needs a third seal broken via an assassination quest from the Guild of Suffering, two seals already broken by killing Eva and Imogen. The group learns the Guild of Suffering is secretly housed within the Desperado Club, accessible through a strip club entrance. Carl receives an assassination quest to kill Astrid, a Level 125 Bloodlust Sprite, with the warning that speaking the quest details aloud voids it. Report issue

Carl and Donut travel southwest through Havana toward Samantha's location, securing a saferoom run by a bopca named Vitasy. Zev transfers them to a brief Faction Wars meeting, confirming Odette has arrived in Earth orbit and that Huanxin will serve as their new Adjutant — revealing the plan Eileithyia set in motion. Back in the saferoom, Carl discovers Mordecai secretly hired six room attendants including the armless changeling Ruby to protect vulnerable crawlers from compression sickness, funding it by embezzling Carl's supply money. The chapter ends as Zev initiates another transfer. Report issue

At the ocean-floor Production Facility, Zev warns Carl against selecting Odette as adjutant, explaining it will cause Mordecai to attack her and jeopardize the team. The scene shifts to the fifth Faction Wars preproduction meeting, where a stressed Cascadia nearly breaks down. Warlords introduce themselves including Empress D'Nadia, the volatile Crown Prince Stalwart, and a Viceroy who dramatically decapitates himself, replaced by Epitome Noflex — a dream elf and Tagg's presumed-dead mother now acting as an NPC. Noflex greets Carl as "Juice Box," leaving him deeply unsettled. Report issue

Juice Box, now self-aware, interrupts the sponsor meeting to demand NPCs be recognized as a tenth team with full voting rights and protections, triggering a hobgoblin pus detonator as leverage before escaping. Meanwhile, Carl and Donut grind mobs and level up, acquiring useful new cards including Hole in the Bag and Force Discard. At the Desperado Club, Carl and Katia strategize about assassinating Astrid, noting Carl's goblin-tattoo weakness against fairies. Florin gifts Carl a unique Level 140 totem: Uzi Jesus, an undead anime Jesus with healing and ranged capabilities, expanding the squad to four of six slots. Report issue

Carl enters the Penis Parade strip club in Havana's Desperado Club, where he meets Damascus Steel — a Level 75 Ifrit with a matching spiderweb elbow tattoo who was sent by Katia. Damascus leads Carl to a private cubicle concealing a portal to the Guild of Suffering, hidden behind purple shag carpet. Before Carl can enter, Donut triggers a lengthy achievement notification that cycles through satirical categories of secret societies before dismissing itself. Damascus urges Carl to hurry, and Carl pushes through the final door. Report issue

Carl and Katia share intel: Damascus provided a map revealing secret passages and a hidden potion market in the Desperado Club, while both Carl and Katia were forced into fake sexual encounters in the club's "cum closets" to maintain cover. Donut's new Enchanted Tiara of the Inebriated Dragonfly grants her the Hover skill along with potion cooldown reduction and poison protection. The group discovers a massive migrating army of Red Maníoseros Land Crabs led by a meditating crab named Raul, triggering the Chowder War quest, and Carl sets a trap to flag Raul for his deck. Report issue

Carl and Donut execute a coordinated ambush on Raul the giant crab, dropping him with Hole in the Air, Muting him, and punching him into submission until he surrenders and is flagged for their deck. During a wait while thousands of crabs migrate past, Samantha reveals she has a new ally named Maria and wants to meet Louis. Carl consults the Bahamas lore book on Shi Maria (The Screamer), a colossal spider demi-god vulnerable to Psionic attacks, and suspects she is lying about restoring Samantha's body. A system message announces the re-ascension of Goddess Semiramis, confirming other crawlers are progressing through similar Ascendency quests. Report issue

The party reaches Shi Maria, a Level 140 City Boss spider demi-god with permanent blindness and insanity debuffs, whom Samantha claims is now her best friend and wants to join the party. Carl brings out Signet's mother's tattoo-golem to give Samantha a proper body, but Shi Maria refuses the reanimation spell and begins "crying," validating Herot's theory about self-aware NPCs. Carl proposes a deal: he will escort Shi Maria to Larracos in exchange for her help, threatening to destroy the card if she harms anyone. Shi Maria agrees, revealing a hidden fifth eye and a disturbing awareness of Carl's internal struggles and the parasite growing inside him. Report issue

While traveling north back to the Desperado Club, Mongo kills La Ciguapa — a Legendary rare creature — yielding two valuable cards: Damnation and the mythic Glow-Up, which permanently locks a card's current buffed state. Carl discovers that matching the species of captured souls in his Scavenger's Daughter back patch dramatically amplifies his Daughter's Kiss attack. At a roadside saferoom, Carl grows worried when Katia stops responding mid-reconnaissance inside the Desperado Club, later revealed to be unconscious after accidentally ingesting a drug. Cascadia announces the official rules for Phase Two, which begins in two days and includes strict six-totem deck limits and potential mandatory PvP for crawlers without a key. Report issue

Katia is found unconscious in the Desperado Club's drug den after accidentally consuming unknown substances, triggering a ten-hour Bliss Surfing debuff and revealing she has a history of substance abuse. Carl and Donut practice with their 18-card decks in the Mock Battle Arena against Rude-Dolph the Blood-Nosed Slay-Deer, a Level 100 boss protected by eight invulnerable reindeer puppets. Using Greased Lightning and Shi Maria's fifth eye ability, they break the boss's defenses and win. Carl experiences an unexplained mental pressure linked to "the river in his mind" when Shi Maria opens her fifth eye. Report issue

Carl and Donut unlock Secret Challenge Mode after easily defeating the challenge difficulty with Shi Maria, then run practice deck-versus-deck fights to prepare for Phase Two. Carl assesses their totem roster's quirks: Raul is overly submissive, Asojano targets Donut, Geraldo and Raul fight each other, Uzi Jesus only obeys 50% of the time, and Shi Maria is their strongest but most sadistic card. Their first practice match against Der Schachmeister — a level 25 kid deckmaster with an unusually fast cooldown — ends in defeat when his mystic cards lock Donut's hand and burn Shi Maria. Carl concludes they need to rush deckmasters directly instead of fighting totems, and must practice faster deployment and better command drills. Report issue

With six hours until Phase Two, Carl finds Katia sobbing and vomiting as she's cured of addiction to four different drugs, with Mordecai advising Carl to abandon her to protect Donut. Carl insists on immediately executing the quest to kill Astrid and secure the orchid for Katia before the phase changeover. Despite Mordecai's pragmatic warnings and Bautista's objections, Imani agrees to administer a blitz patch and buffs for the mission. The chapter underscores Carl's stubborn loyalty as Elle warns of political fallout but acknowledges the necessity. Report issue

Carl sneaks Samantha into the Desperado Club's Larracos nightclub and rigs an ambush in a hidden utility corridor, while reviewing Katia's earlier reconnaissance on Astrid's terrifying spell arsenal and her ability to instantly summon fifteen guards. Carl sets up teleport traps and an IED designed to kill Astrid instantly and relocate any summoned reinforcements. In a tense comms exchange, Carl and Katia debate the moral weight of killing Astrid before he rationalizes it as freeing NPCs from the dungeon's cycle. The chapter ends with only ninety minutes until they're taken to Odette's show and a low growl echoing from behind a door containing fifteen red-tagged monsters. Report issue

Carl's trap to ambush Astrid unravels when she bypasses the secret passage via the main stairs, and Samantha's bar taunts accidentally cause a Level 225 feral demon named Minge to escape from the Nothing, plunging the Desperado Club into lockdown. Carl navigates through chaos to reach Katia in the kitchen, where her totems corner Astrid — but Carl rips off Astrid's wings first, and Katia's crow delivers the killing blow. Astrid's dying words hint at her husband the Night Wyrm and children, revealing she was close to gaining her freedom. Outside, Samantha battles Minge while Carl and Katia flee the scene. Report issue

Katia completes her demon form and stores Astrid's body for the Night Wyrm while the Desperado Club remains in chaos from Minge's rampage. Carl learns from Mordecai that vorpals are god-deputized celestial guards turned into suicide bombers that hunt demons, and rigs his spider automatons to deploy holy water traps to unleash them on Minge. Katia confirms she secured the orchid needed to cure her Sepsis Crown, though she refuses to consume it until the ninth floor. The chapter closes as released vorpals tear Minge apart and Damascus Steel and Anaconda weep upon learning of Astrid's death. Report issue

Damascus Steel reveals he, his brother Anaconda, and their mother Astrid (the former assistant manager) are a family of naturals — long-term dungeon inhabitants, not generated NPCs — whose father the Night Wyrm arranged Astrid's murder for contract money. To save the male dancer crew from being reassigned to the dangerous Larracos level, Carl uses his 100,000-gold coupon to hire them all as mercenaries for two floors. Carl begins to theorize that many dungeon inhabitants are "Naturals" or indentured servants using Meat Shields memberships for protection, drawing on Ossie's note about the dungeon being a "reused canvas" of trapped beings. Meanwhile, Donut reveals she used a Combo and Glow-Up card to permanently merge two totem cards. Report issue

On Odette's show, she reveals three shocking Emergency Action Items proposed by D'Nadia of the Prism: deleting all Larracos NPCs, banning crawlers from Faction Wars entirely, and directly targeting Carl and Donut for deletion. Odette uses this revelation to pressure Carl and Donut into immediately selecting a Faction Wars adjutant — a protected third-party referee who accompanies warlords into battle and enforces rules. Carl internally connects Odette's push to Huanxin's true motive for wanting Odette appointed, but feels relieved that adjutants are game-protected. Odette presents three candidates for the position, confirming she cannot take the role herself this season. Report issue

Odette dramatically announces her show is going on hiatus as she enters the dungeon to attempt the Celestial Ascendency after sponsoring Nekhebit, an ancient Egyptian vulture goddess. Odette returns to Carl's adjutant selection, presenting three candidates: Ripper Wonton (a media quokka with poor combat mobility), Baroness Victory (an experienced orc judge and attorney with a reputation for impartiality), and Drick (a dream elf with a Valtay worm connection). Carl, relying heavily on Quasar's advice, selects Baroness Victory as his adjutant. Report issue